Mssr Jay-Z, Mr Kanye West, Timbaland, Sway, Lethal B, etc etc etc, Make my day worth getting up for.
The outstanding self-confidence, the smart-ass lyrics, the everything. Makes me get that feeling in my belly every time I wake up.
If you programme ;stronger' by Kanye West into your ipod to wake you it'll do the same for you.
You know what they have that you don't?
Jay-Z has the kindness to remind me every morning that "I'm not a businessman....I'm a BUSINESS Maaaaaaaan." Kanye is sweet enough to remind me that "That that that that don't kill me...can only make me stronger", Rhianna takes the time to emphasise that "Said I'll always be your friend Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end" and lest we forget the Rev. Ice Cube "Today I didnt even have to use my a.k. I got to say it was a good day."
Every time I hear these lyrics and more - I get fucking goose bumps.
Rap makes me happy. Rappy happy.
The most venemous feminist, homie, she ain't soft.
You give her trouble then she might cut your head off.
Or something that you like to think's the best: Chorus: She walks softly but she carries a big gun.
She walks softly but she carries a big gun.
She walks softly but she carries a big gun.
And there's no way that you can fade her son.
She walks softly but she carries a big gun.
She walks softly but she carries a big gun.
She walks softly but she carries a big gun.
She walks softly but she carries a big gun.
The most mysogonystic fuckers in the World got it right. Eminem makes me grin, rage against the machine makes me grin, Mr Jay-Z makes me grin, every rapper who fought that hard to make it makes me grin.
Because.
I don't care how much of a cunt they are.
They had an idea.
The idea was themselves.
They made that idea happen.
I am a cunt.
I have an idea.
That idea is myself.
It's happening.
Note to idiots who think I use this blog for self-pity: I AM ALIVE! Everything else is an amazing bonus you stupid fuck - move away from your PC and smell what's left of life
I may have forgotten to remind you of somethimg my Dad reminds me of on a regular basis. Has since I was little - and it's funny. Considering how screwed up and ILL my siblings are....anyway....
When you wake up. Wiggle your fingers and toes.
Then remember how FUCKING LUCKYyou are to be able to wiggle your fingers and toes. Every FUCKING thing that happens to you today is a fucking bonus.
And trust me on that one. Whilst you've been enjoying my off-beat humour, my joie de vivre, my whatever the fuck it's been for however long. IN fact - look back. How happy am I? How unhappy am I? How much do I choose to wallow in?
My brother has been diagnosed with insulin dependant diabetes at age 13
My sister was kidnapped at age 14
My sister was diagnosed with cancer aged 32
My best mate was diagnosed with cancer (inoperable) aged 34
My other best mate is getting married.
My other sister is pregnant (I'm stoked)
My other sister is striker for a V. Important soccer team,
My other sister is dyslexic (how the fuck she's supposed to spell that I don't know) gay, and amazing - she can rebuild an engine in moments.
My other sister is.....one.
My other sister (Yes we did have a telly - we're not Catholic etc etc) is......the most worrying.
There are a lot of people who resent having a young woman placed above them in a management position. These are generally the people who trusted that if they worked hard enough, waited long enough and knew enough gossip then the position would fall like a house on a witch onto their heads. The glory. Ooooooohhhhh the power. The "I'll show you all" mentality.
Sorry kids; it don't work like that.
I've been through it all his week, the "don't you think you should do this? (less than 24 hours into my taking on the role - "this" being changing the fabric of the entire company....) "I think we should do this!" newsflash bozo - you've been whining about this for three weeks. I did the job yesterday.
And my personal favourite -
"I thought we were friends"
We are. If you respect the fact that what I may say to you during work hours bears no relation to my personal feelings for you. I am Chef Ramsay.
I work hard. Always have. I do not Play hard unless by Play hard you mean Sleep til noon and then watch anime and eat pizza. I suffer fools gladly, I forgive the unforgivable, I am accomodating, amusing and amazing. I will NOT however, allow any company I have been employed to run, to lose money because you're a lazy fuck. If I can do it with a hangover, one leg, a family with more medical issues than some kind of freaky Waltons/Scrubs hybrid then so can you. Asshole.
In other news - I have finished another cheesecake shoot (pics to follow) and am about to create the ALT.COM NIGHT OUT mainly cause I is bored....
Done a photoshoot with the GLORIOUS Midori, who is one of the coolest, most non-self-important important people I've ever met. Unfortunately I was in make-up for a lot of the tying but I did get to see the lady in action and it was a real treat. I also had to drop her off to a black cab rank in my.....black cab.
Ho hum - now I get to do that "I 'ad that Midori in ther back of me cab once..." thing.
I've been made manager of the most private of private members clubs. Which is a huge deal but I'm pretending it isn't.
I've been told something I wanted to happen writing-wise may well be happening.
I've started a degree (for fun - and it is!)
and on Sunday I get to pose in cheescake outfits and cool 40's hair. My life fucking RULES!
Aside from that, I have one bit of wise fucking wisdom before mt next big post -
SHIT
OR
GET
OFF
THE
POT.
If you sit around waiting for shit to fall in your lap - that's all that'll ever fall in your lap.
The big mistake you make (please bear in mind this is a collective you, it was long ago I stopped being concerned with petty drama) is thinking this is all just sensation junkie stuff.
It's not all about me for sure, if I maintained on a regular basis that it was I would be a scourge indeed.
I'm going to break a few things down for you in my supreme Goddessy wisdom, firstly, fun means - 1. something that provides mirth or amusement: A picnic would be fun. 2. enjoyment or playfulness: She's full of fun. verb (used without object), verb (used with object) 3. Informal. joke; kid. adjective 4. Informal. of or pertaining to fun, esp. to social fun: a fun thing to do; really a fun person. 5. Informal. whimsical: flamboyant: The fashions this year are definitely on the fun side. Idioms 6. for or in fun, as a joke; not seriously; playfully: His insults were only in fun. 7. like fun, Informal. certainly not; of doubtful truth: He told us that he finished the exam in an hour. Like fun he did! 8. make fun of, to make the object of ridicule; deride: The youngsters made fun of their teacher.
There's nothing in there kiddies that really describes the feeling that a relly good session of being shoved roughly to the floss thin barrier that stops you believing in the goddamn Matrix. You call it fun because if you give in too much you realise what you have isn't worth shit, your life will never be what you planned and the biggest kicks you get are from secrets!
SECRETS!
I have a dirty secret. My shame, my wife must never know etc etc etc. I MUST BE FORCED! Yeah for sure. No really, I totally understand...Of course I don't think that's passive aggressive manipulation. You couldn't be that transparent, I know, I know, you neeeeeed this.
I have no problem with that. I have a problem with you trivialising something to the level of jerkoff that you knowgoes deeper. You know what you did? You made us lazy.
There's no hunt. You're all there on the fucking floor like rats, happily sliding around in your own juice because you think you won the big con - you stupid fuckers.
I want a hot chick to do this to me. I'll play submissive for as long as it takes until I get it. Dommes do....face sitting? For real? I can make them think they're taking advantage of me and save myself a fortune!
There are a thousand tiny, barbed, fine as an eyelash fishhooks set at 3mm around the contour of your body, to each hook is attached a line, virtually invisible to the human eye. To each line is attached an idea, a request, a difficulty. Each line vibrates with the resonance of the oily thing at the end of it. The closer the thing, the idea, the request, the difficulty; the harsher the buzzing into the nerve it latched itself into.
Every one hums at a frequency that demands you pay attention, scratch, pull and tear at your fucking skin until it stops - no matter how much it hurts. No matter that you may sever a fucking tendon or lose that idea, request or difficulty forever. Forever is a long fucking time to be wondering - and wondering is just another fishhook which connects directly to the 'regret' segment of your brain. Whilst the brain can't feel pain, it can certainly feel agitation.
Each line takes its frequency from the pool of oil that is the half-formed; buoyed by petrol fumes or the air above asphalt - fucking amazing, living colour in perpetual motion giving glimpses of the safe way to remove that hook without removing a chunk of yourself.
Each line tugs and buffets in the scorching mistral that surrounds the edge. Each line stretches away so as to give maximum support and cause maximum irritation.
Each line is holding me up. Lest I fall off the edge. Scratch and fall or bear the pain and stay afloat.
It's very very rare for me to go on about how much I enjoy other people's blogs - for the simple reason that this can be enough on here sometimes to bring down a whole heap of shit on your doorstep. I could do a whole list thing here, but I think the people who make me laugh, and make me think are aware of that by the frequency not only of my visits to their blog but the amount of times they will see my thought processes here influenced by something they have touched upon and I have felt is worth my runtime in investigating myself.
So to those, a hearty salute.
Every now and then though, someone writes something that touches on something I was not in the mood to read - you know, you want funny and you get diatribe? It's not that it's a bad post, it's just so intensely personal that it conflicts with my mood at the time and I gloss over it.
Then once, possibly once only. Someone you have known for a long time does something so astounding you look at them a whole different way. Not because what they have written is so profound or unusual that it has an impact, not that their writing style is any different to usual.
But.
There's no way of describing what this work did to me. Regardless of the fact that this person is my mentor (not in the gay *online hugs* way, but in a real, smashes rocks with his fucking bare hands, squeezes the life out of me when we meet but has enough nouse to know never to push his luck and has my complete trust way) Regardless of the fact that this person is, in fact, me at my sharpest. Regardless of the fact that this person is well known on this site for pretty fucking good writing.