Did You Know? Premium members get more contacts from women. Upgrade Today!

Mind the doormouse.

Stop Watching This Blog (50)

I don't drink water - fish fuck in it.

This blog is visible to alt members only. If I find any of it reproduced elsewhere I will dice your spleen and pan fry it.

By Jove I've got it! Oct 3, 2007 2:37 am
730 views
So I had this goddamn Trojan horse thing right? I mean, fuck that SHIT. It's totally destroyed my email and all my contacts. The good thing is, I knew enough of my nearest and dearests numbers (with the exception of SweetBT) to be able to warn them.

In between all that, the very secret of BDSM came to me, in the form of words on the back of a bottle of squash, the secret of BDSM, the crux, the grail -


Dilute to taste

2 comments
The King Sep 28, 2007 5:14 am
839 views

WHY? am I not allowed to go to the fetish party dressed as Elvis? Tell me that!

I have an Elvis fetish.


Image - me with an exceptionally large knee (unexplained) for those with elephantitis fetish
1 comment
I hate cats Sep 27, 2007 6:04 pm
745 views

All except this one. I hear that voice and I fog over with images of pinning a cute little one with those sharp nails and taunting voice -

"Can you run?" hissed the cat. "I think not... I think not...".

There is nothing more menacing than a mocking hiss, there is nothing more pleasurable than to feel the involountary muscle shudders that powerlesness generates in a male body, particularly a compact one. There is nothing more arousing than the shuddering sigh of surrender.

Can you run?

I think not.

I think not
0 comments
Worse things Sep 26, 2007 2:03 pm
784 views

Things

There are worse things than having behaved foolishly in public.

There are worse things than these miniature betrayals,

committed or endured or suspected; there are worse things

than not being able to sleep for thinking about them.

It is 5 a.m. All the worse things come stalking in

and stand icily about the bed looking worse and worse

and worse.


I have had this verse on continuous loop in my head since I was about 11 years old. You've been there too, you know what I'm on about; when you wake up and think "WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?" and it seems like the end of the World, you waste precious time obsessing about shit that may or may not happen, or has happened, or you're being told happened.

The thing is, in most cases, two weeks later no-one cares. Todays newspaper is tomorrow's bottom of the budgie cage.

The converse of that being a Britney - you have to top your last atrocity.

There is enormous shit going on every day on this planet. There are unspeakable atrocities happening within 1 mile of you and over 1000 miles away from you. There is unspeakable breathtaking beauty taking place within one mile of you and 1000 miles away. There have been unspeakable atrocities commited in remarkably cyclical form throughout the history of humankind. There is unspeakable breathtaking beauty forming amongst humankind as you read this.

There is enormous self-pity, empathy, sympathy, lethargy, energy, synergy, beauty, freaky, greedy, sleazy, vaccous, kind, unkind, insane, unsafe, ultimate. There is.

THERE ISI am. You are. If you choose to wallow eventually you will drown.

I'll have a number nine please Max.
3 comments
profile update Sep 25, 2007 11:27 am
736 views
I need to do one - can we do that now without exploding?
2 comments
too cool for school Sep 22, 2007 12:41 pm
743 views
buonasera101 done did this pome on the bad pome maker thing.

It's about me -

Hello I'm LadyC
Some brains, some brawn is all it takes
And the scent of the sense of nonsensical sense
I knew that! For goodness sakes!

Dr Seuss Himself couldn't have done better. Now all I need is a picture.
1 comment
Apologies Sep 22, 2007 12:16 pm
899 views
For doing this twice in one week. But fucking hell my inbox hasn't been this funny for weeks!

This is a reply from a young man I chided for emailing me with the words "I know there's and age difference between us" (I'm 29 he's 24).

See if you can spot the point when I became paralysed with laugher...


Please accept my apologies, about my email.

I just copied and pasted the last email i sent and then sent it you.

I realy didnt think you were the effort for me to sit and type a decent message.

See you around Sweetheart!!!

No doubt we will talk again, because you are curious about me and proberly cant stay away.

Andy xx

Im the best sub you will ever come across!!!!! xx


I'm going to reply to this with a copy and paste selection of comments from this post so off you go...
6 comments
eyes wide shut Sep 21, 2007 4:16 pm
693 views
WELL THAT'S 2/12 HOURS OF MY LIFE I WON'T GET BACK!
1 comment
Revisit Sep 21, 2007 7:08 am
729 views
I haven't done this for a while so here's an installment from my inbox (ahem)

This is not interesting reading per-se, however after a polite refusal I was emailed by the same sender again to inform me I had completely Missed the point of this mail, and he was approaching me as an equal with the intent of making friends; not hitting on me in any way, shape or form.

So with that in mind, Ladies and Gentlefluff, I present to you the friendly overtures of a Dome -


I have a nice thick cock, and I guarantee it will feel nice as I ease it into your wet and wanton pussy, or if you’re really daring into your tight little butthole. I like to experiment sexually and will go with the flow. I am an experienced dom master and will take on willing subs. I can take you gently into light bondage, spanking and roleplay or completely immerse you in the more extreme aspects of bdsm. I like many facets of one on one private play. But first and foremost we discuss informally in a nice social environment what you want and then I tailor your program to deliver intense pleasure. I like to take pics and film our antics. I also have other subs (female/male/TS) at my disposal who I can bring out to play with you once we have forged Trust and gelled well.
> >
> > Have you ever watched yourself being taken, cuffed and blindfolded, you can only anticipate the delights of physical stimulation that await you? I have just invested in Hitachi Magic Wand, the Rolls Royce of mains powered vibrators. You will never feel an orgasm as intense as this one. Most women gush! Even if they have never done this before. I also have many restraints and instruments of pleasure to tantalize your senses with.
> >
> > Think for a moment about a large cock stretching you, a little squeel of delight as you feel the large glans opening your love tunnel to accept the full length of man meat. Your stockinged legs wrapped around my muscular torso. Moving in unison, the smell of our sex, a whiff of classy cologne as I kiss your lips. Your pussy gripping my thick cock, causing my balls to tighten, trying to milk me, but I pull out, move up to let you taste your juices, your ruby red lips slide over my swollen glans, a big meaty gobstopper for you to relish.


I hate to imagine the opening email he sends to someone he wants to fuck...
5 comments
That was it... Sep 19, 2007 2:18 pm
663 views

BDSM. That was why I was here.

I've been discussing the quantification of BDSM with someone today *American dude I'm going to work on the assumption I'm allowed to replicate for the time being* and some stuff came up. Stuff that had me thinking. I know, bear with me, it happens from time to time and I've gotten quite good at it over the years.

The two practices in my life are BDSM and dog behaviour. Both require a good working knowledge of both biology and psychologowhatsitthing. Voodoo. Possibly.

Anyway. I can make a dog behave in a fashion desirable to its owner in one of three ways:

*I can be nice to it and encourage it with rewards.

*I can be 'vile' to it and use punitive treatment.

*I can treat it like a dog.

Decide which way you would treat/do treat your dog.

Ok. Decided? It's always version 3. However no human who has got to the stage where they call me out is ever going to be able to do that or they wouldn't have fucked up their animal in the first place.

My job is to assess the human and decide how best to instruct them to communicate with the canine. I can't teach a big scary bloke to re-pitch his voice, carry a bag of cheese treats and lose the pinch collar. So I teach him in a way he can understand how to deal with his dog without hurting it (version 2)

I can't teach a Princess-type girlie how to use her voice and body language consistantly to ensure her dog respects the rules. So I teach her how to communicate in a way that she can grasp (version 1)

Both methods lead to version 3. Dogs (with rare exceptions) will always behave to type.

I get lambasted for both methods. Why? Because both work, and both have their advocates and their detractors - each group as vocal as the other. You cannot quantify what is right and wrong with training a dog because lots of ways work.

You cannot quantify BDSM because myriads of things work and have worked for generations of people. You cannot say what is right and wrong amongst consenting adults, you cannot even say what is right and wrong when those adults are not the full shilling - alt blogs are a hotbed of mental illness of various shades, BDSM attracts those with their wiring a bit off. Ever occured to you lot that it's not you who's ill? That you're in such a huge fucking majority you should be considered 'normal'?

If I so chose I could lay claim to any number of conditions. According to medical statistics (and the off the record opinion of certain medical professionals) I can be manic, bipolar, an alcoholic (and other addictions, various), depressed, clinically depressed, autistic and a whole gamut of other things. The fact that I just choose to be in a bad mood for a few days doesn't seem to come into it. Before those of you who enjoy your special 'mental illness' badge start telling me I don't understand....just don't. Mental hypochondria exists, deal with it. Fuck. Did I say that in my outside voice?

Anyway. Where was I?

Oh yes. The most common 'complaint' about the bad people. Usually it's a male Dom giving it 'Do as I say bitch'

Had it ever occured to anyone that this may be someone's biggest fantasy? We all started somewhere; how many people have listened to the advice given them when they started? Precisely - they are on their own 'journey' and good fucking luck to them. Next week they'll be as bitter as everyone else and have a blog to prove it.

Let's not leave out the ladies. I made an excellent friend on here (who I must catch up with) whose initial contact with me was via his blog where he described pro-Dommes as 'the scourge of the BDSM community'

I'm not having that you bastard. I thought. He turned out to be very clever and funny and kind, and if I had to guess I turned out to be less of a 'scourge' than he thought.

I made a slave apologise for sending an unsolicited abusive email to a money Domme the other day, yes, 90% of them have cottoned on that this is free money and have no interest in BDSM. However the offer is there to be ignored if you so wish, and if it turns a man/woman on to give money to a complete stranger for no reason then who are we to blame the clever fucking soul who took advantage of that?

And that my friends, is the most fucking coherent I've been all week. Thankyou and goodnight.

PS - The words 'in all honesty' are no replacement for a semi-colon.
1 comment

To link to this blog (LadyCReturns) use [blog LadyCReturns] in your messages.

January 2009
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
        1
 
2
 
3
 
4
 
5
 
6
 
7
 
8
 
9
 
10
 
11
 
12
 
13
 
14
1
15
 
16
 
17
 
18
 
19
 
20
 
21
 
22
 
23
 
24
 
25
 
26
 
27
 
28
 
29
 
30
 
31
 

Recent Visitors

Visitor Age Sex Date
Geekachu 35M10/26